The First Day of Preschool

“…in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.” 

Psalm 139:16

 

Today was Adella’s first day of preschool. 

She was excited!

I thought about how three years had passed by in a blur of life.

I thought about how I felt so blindsided by something I knew was coming.

I thought the thought that every parent thinks…

“I can’t believe that my baby is starting preschool!”

When I was taking her picture before we left Adella heard a bird chirping in the tree by our front door. 

Eyes wide with wonder, she pointed and shouted, “Mommy!  Daddy!  I want to hold that bird!

At the time, I thought it was sweet.

 But after the mommy and daddy pictures were taken…

…after we signed her in at preschool and let her play in the lobby…

…after we watched her line up with her class…

…I thought about how sweet that little chirping bird had been. 

I thought about the gospel hymn “His Eye Is On The Sparrow” and the verse that says

“Let not your heart be troubled,”
His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness,
I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth
But one step I may see:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

 I thought about how God is leading Adella’s little life. 

I thought about how God has every day of Adella’s life written before she had lived a single one.

I thought about how God’s takes note of each little sparrow and how much more attentive he is to Adella.

It was an overwhelmingly beautiful thought on an overwhelmingly beautiful day.

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Resolution

“So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.” -2 Corinthians 4:16-18

I spend far too much time living in my circumstances.  I look around my life and I am consumed.  

to do:

make do

re-do

review

stick to

follow through

live up to

over do

I have to just get through.

I’m looking forward to 2012 being a year when I stop focusing on the whirlwind of daily life.

I’m looking forward to 2012 being a year when I live daily with eternal perspective. 

 

If you do not raise your eyes you will think that you are the highest point.  ~Antonio Porchia

My Story

I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior in January 1995.

I was baptized on my birthday in August 1995.

Looking back it seems laughable that I thought I understood the ideas of sacrifice, servitude, forgiveness and commitment…and God must have known that I didn’t really understand those concepts but he accepted my acceptance…beautiful.

It was not until 1997 that I found my identity in Jesus.  I was fifteen and a sophomore at an incredible performing arts high school in Los Angeles.  One very rainy winter morning I climbed onto the 7 o’clock Metrolink without even knowing how to get to my classes once I got off at the Cal State LA station.  I found my way, not only to my classes on that first day but also my way to a closer relationship with Jesus.  Undoubtably there was something about being so incredibly far out of my comfort zone that caused me to cling to God.  While I was in church two, sometimes three times a week and while I spent my time with Christians who challenged me, I know the main reason that my relationship with God flourished was because I was constantly reading my Bible.

So, it should not have come as a surprise when I let my life get filled up with adulthood obligations that steadily ate into my quiet, still moments with God that I began to feel the sad, dry, staleness of being distant from God.  As post-high school life progressed I became hopelessly tangled up in the unique snare of American culture: the snare of doing.   Over the past ten (or so) years I occupied myself with things to do, goals to accomplish, tasks to complete…items to check off my life’s list.  These were deceptive little occupiers of my time because they didn’t ever appear to be things that could hurt me or anyone else.  In fact, they were good things and God-honoring ways of spending my time: going to college, attending and hosting small groups, working my way through school, participating in an arts ministry, graduating with my BA, planning a wedding and getting married, spending quality time with my spouse, landing a position as a teacher, clearing my credential, investing in the lives of my students through advising extracurricular activities, having children of my own and pouring myself into their lives…you get the idea.  But, as I look back I can easily see that too many “good” things to do created a bad attitude, a hard heart and a sad soul within me.  I barely recognized myself but I kept using phrases like “I just need to get through this” and “If I can survive just survive these next few weeks” and “It wont be like this forever”.  I kept focusing on accomplishing the immediate task.  I ignored almost everything else in my life.  To be really honest,  it wasn’t just my relationship with Jesus that suffered during those years…every relationship I had was impacted.  At the time, I didn’t realize what I was doing…I was too busy pressing the “pedal to the metal” and rushing to get things done so I could start living.  I think I thought that I could pause people and pause relationships while I rushed through college and career and then pick up where I left off.  How foolish.

Relatively recently I’ve been forced to slow down.  Way down.  I can so clearly see how God has moved His hand in my physical health as well as within my husband and girls to (almost) force me into a season of refocusing.  During this time of taking inventory of my life I feel a real conviction to get back into my Bible reading and transparently account for what I am learning…and that is my intention for this blog.

Honestly, I am scared to put myself “out there” without the familiar barriers that I’m comfortable hiding behind…but here it goes…